Gah. I've been off from the internet for how long, and I don't feel like blogging. I'm in no mood to write about what's been happening, and what's been on in my mind. It could just be my period. You know, that time of the month.

I have so much to blog about. The Year 10 Formal. The after party. The weekend, in general. I'll post pictures and everything later. Now's just not a good time.

My mind is running through so many thoughts right now, I can't seem to control them.

Oh. All I want to do now is go to sleep and not wake up. Ever. That way, I won't have to think about all these things.

i want it, yet i always seem to push it away from my reach
and i'm back to square one.

Cheers.
PS. all you i need is love. love is all you i need.

Doesn't look all that different now, does it? Well, I don't really think it does. It's shorter, lighter and so much better. It's great, isn't it? Isn't it?!

I got my Maths results back. I got 67%, ranking me at the 26th place overall of Year 10 Advanced, and 2nd in my class. Kathy, the new boarder got the highest, which has landed her a place in the Year 10 Maths Challenge class. How spiffy. If I got what she got, I still probably wouldn't be placed in that class. I wouldn't even join it, anyhow.

From my objective section results of the English SC trial, I feel like my English has really worsened. Or maybe, it's just the change of schools and environments. After all, I am competing against so many other students, who have been at schools of English as a first language throughout their life.

For a moment, after I flipped through the many red crosses on my exam papers, I had a feeling that I wouldn't become a good journalist or writer, or maybe, I'm not a good journalist or writer, because of my low English results. Everyone else got 5 or less mistakes. I got 14. Poor, I thought. I was quite embarassed. I didn't feel in a good mood after then. I didn't say much either. The day had suddenly turned into a bad one.

However, after talking to Anne Marie about it, I was thinking: success can't just come from knowledge. I don't really know how to explain what success is all about, it's more than just experience and... Ah, I really can't think of what the words are to describe it is.


Cheers.

You guys are like, my closest friends. I mean, I tell you pretty much everything that happens around me. Other things, I probably forget about them.

So, as close friends, why don't you give me some hair advice? I really need to do something with my hair. But what? What should I do?


Geez my side burns are looking long. Maybe I'll cut them.

So tell me, all right. Give me some ideas or some suggestions as to what I should do with my hair?

Do I need to host a prize for the person who's ideas 'moved' me?
Get a life.

Cheers.
PS. This is the third entry I've posted today. Maybe I am the one who needs to consider a life.

I was reading one of my previous entries on my dream future laptop, Toshiba Satellite M60, and I mentioned the idea of getting it on my seventeenth birthday.

Seventeen. The big one seven. Only 4 months till then. It really isn't a big deal, but I was thinking about it and it suddenly impacted me a bit in the head. I can't believe I'm getting older. Soon after my seventeenth birthday, I'll be eighteen. The thought of it is quite scary.

Seventeen. Seventeen. It sounds so, old.

Cheers.
PS. White chocolate brownies = whitenies

The Year 10 Formal is right around the corner, and I'm pretty damn worried about how I'm going.

I've got my formal outfit. I've got my facial organised...

I don't have my formal shoes. I don't have my pants altered yet. I don't have my hair appointment organised... HAIR. That's the most important issue that I am still pondering about. I don't know how I want to do my hair. And there doesn't seem to be anyone who can really give me good suggestions, which I can take into account of. They all tell me to cut my hair and spike it up. I'm sorry, but mum thinks I'm turning into a lesbian, with my short hair and clothing styles - what the fuck should I do then? I'm really confused! I don't know what to do! My friends tell me I shouldn't be bothered by my mum's comments, but just cut my hair and spike it up. But I really don't want to look like a butch! I don't want to be misunderstood either!

People really shouldn't stereotype people. I know I do, and I'm a hypocrite at saying this. But I'm right. People should not stereotype people into categories. You know. Just because I dress like a computer guy geek; play video games instead of shopping, gossing and choosing which bikini I should buy for summer; have short hair; and all that jazz - it doesn't mean that I'm a guy. It doesn't mean that I'm interested in humans of my own sex either! I mean, how would you know? Right? You can't just judge a book by its cover, right?

I really wish my mum didn't see me as someone trying to transform into a guy, but just an individual with different likes to others.

I'm deciding whether I should cut my hair or not. If I cut it, I need to make sure that it will grow back exactly the same way as it was in length and in style, by the time I go back home for the summer break. If I don't cut it, I'm going to have to figure out what the fuck I should do with my hair.

**********

Neville and Ev made such an Australian breakfast this morning. Eggs and bacon on the barbie. With some dimsims. Fusion, baby.

After breakfast, they took Ri and I out to Bondi Junction Westfield to shop for an hour. Riana needed to get some things for herself and some friends. I needed to look for some shoes. We were very, very close to actually purchasing the Nintendo DS today from JB Hi-Fi, but I stressed the idea of mum and dad slaughtering us as a result. The DS was only, to my surprise, AUD$ 193, including the latest Nintendogs game. I thought that was very cheap! However, I didn't know what the EXACT price of the DS was back home in KL. So I told Riana that we should keep it cool, and wait. We had the money and all, but I just couldn't do it.

After dropping Ri back off at the boarding house, we went to this one year old's birthday party down at Parsley Park (I think that's what it was called!). It was Nev and Ev's friend's daughter's birthday. They said it was an excuse for the adults to get together and drink. It was quite fun. Besides me having to stand around like wotttt??/?A?/s/?, I was taught how to kick a footie ball properly by Neville. I could actually kick the bloody deformed oval ball! I was rather proud of myself :) Other than my footie successes, there was good finger food and everyone was so nice. I counted nine toddlers at the party.

For dinner, we went out to Bronte beach to have chish and fips. Fish and chips, of course. That's just what Ev calls them :) . We bought our dinners from a small little restaurant by the beach, and we brought them out to the pavement right after the sand bit of the beach.

It was the SHOPS, the ROAD, the PARK, US, the SAND and the SEA. And God, was it a beautiful feeling. Just sitting by the beach, listening to the waves crashing just before it reaches the beach's sandy shores. Watching the waves, rolls of white flurry moving towards the shore. It was breathtaking and incredibly relaxing. After that, we headed to Bondi to buy some ice-cream, but gave up after 15 minutes of looking for a carpark. We headed back to home, washed up and headed up to the study room, where we put on Hide And Seek to watch. Great story, that one. Not the best, but great. I was quite confused at first, but it was all good!

**********

This weekend. This long weekend. It's been so long. It's great! I'm loving it! I've been out since Wednesday night, and man, things have been great. I was, secretly, at Nomnom's place for Wednesday night, and from then on I was with Neville and Evelyn, who are just such lovely people. They're just so welcoming, and such down to earth people. I really wish I could stay here for much longer, but all good things come to an end. And that end is tomorrow evening, 8pm. Boohoo.

it's days like these
that would make us happy

Cheers.

I had my last exam on Wednesday, Design&Tech which I think I might fail because I didn't have time to finish. Later that afternoon, I left the boarding house with the Yetpet crew (Nomnom, Kwann & Jude) and Ploy, another Thai girl from the boarding house. I was to stay the night with Nomnom, Jude and Ploy at Nom's apartment. We dropped our stuff off at Nom's place, and headed to the city for dinner.

And to get to the city, we had to ride the train. I had never been on a train in Sydney before. NEVER. Ploy was so shocked for some reason. Anyway, the train is such a weird mean of transport. I mean, it's underground and it's all fast and noisy. I was pretty wow at the fact of being in a train underground, but I had to keep any signs of such interest to myself so I wouldn't have to go through Omg-Rae-You-Are-So-Lame.

We walked to Jenny's place where we sat around and, well, conversed in Thai. Well. The other did. Jude and I sat there like dumbfucks thinking we shouldn't have come. All was good, when we headed down to RamenKan for a Japanese dinner. The place stank. It was horrendous! The food wasn't too good either. It was so Australian. Any Australian would think the food was great. It was like, sweet and sour pork at a Chinese-Australian restaurant in Sydney. It's not authentic. It's just basic.

That night, I slept on the floor at the end of Nom's bed, where she and Ploy slept. Jude slept on another mattress on the side of the bed. However, after thinking there were lice in the mattress, she hopped onto my narrow, thin mattress and pulled her doona over. I slept with this lump next to me last night. It wasn't very comfortable.

I was so feminine today. I mean. Seriously. Jude dragged me into Bodiology to book an appointment for a facial. The lady there then started giving me advice on what I should do to my face and make up. I said I wasn't going to wear make-up, so she pulled me into this booth and put some tinted moisturiser on my cheek. She said it would make my face look a little cleaner. I was so amazed. It actually worked! So I made my appointment (Friday 28th of Oct, 5pm) and left feeling happy :)

After that, Jude wanted to get her nails done. I didn't want to walk around like some hobo, so I decided to be dragged along into USA Nails. I got a manicure. It was so fun! I was falling asleep, which I think was good. The lady was massaging my hands too. My nails feel a little weird now. They're all clean and painted a really light natural colour. I feel so feminine.

Hoho.

Now I'm currently lying on a pretty hard bed in Nev and Ev's place (They said it was ALL RIGHT to not use uncle and aunty). They're such lovely people. They're so cute! I'm glad I actually met them. And they live so nearby our BH, which is so convenient.

I'm pretty happy now. And tired. Very tired. I had an hour session of personal training at Fitness First this afternoon and I am more than poofed out. My muscles are aching, and will be aching more tomorrow morning. So I should hit the sack.

Cheers.
PS. Timmy the ringworm is back again :(((((

During the Maths exam, I had this incredibly strange feeling overcoming me as I started the exam on the Probability section. It was the feeling of happiness. I actually felt happy and excited while doing the Maths exam. There was something about using formulas I knew and completing little problems, that made me feel happy. I enjoyed doing it. It was so weird. I hate Maths. Alot. Yet I liked the challenge today.

They were holding yet another promotion into dream land. During my Christian Studies exam. The exam was very straight-forward and it was all about ethics. It was pretty much common-sense in ethical stuff. Don't threaten one another. Do unto others as they do unto you. That kind of mumbo jumbo. I'll pass. If my bullshit pulls through.

I think I'll pass Maths as well. I hope I do. I'd like to do well. I mean, I did for some weird reason, enjoy it. I hope I did well. I hope hope hope.

I think I've been bitten by a spider. That's right. Eight-legged creature. Creepy looking face/something. I've got four bites on my leg, which is really strange. They itch like mad. MAD. I can't stop scratching. I really thought it was a mozzie that bit me, but I never thought of mozzies flying under our sheets at night and sucking up our blood. Especially in Australia. I hardly see mozzies. People talk about spider bites as if they're no big deal.

It's funny.

Cheers.

& turned on the lights; 20:17

Monday, October 17, 2005

The fire alarm went off at 6.10 in the morning. I was in the middle of a dream, where they were promoting the latest iPod, which is about 2 inches in length. I also saw them promoting the movie Madagascar and I saw David Schwimmer! And some old fat lady, but who cares about her.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, this bell started to ring. I thought it was some kind of recess or break during the promotion.

BAM I woke up. 6.10 AM. Fire alarm has gone off. I quickly caught hold of my surroundings and grabbed the closest 'jacket' I could find, which was my shirt. I didn't know if it was just a firedrill or for real, so I grabbed Frank and ran with the crowd. Urghhhhh it was so horrid. All I wanted to do was sleeeeeeeeep and look at that new 2 inch long iPod!

No one really knows what set the fire alarm off. Apparently, it was the alarm just above my bedroom. How creepy. I wasn't awake though, I told everyone. I was asleep. Fast asleep. Watching Apple promote their latest iPod. I would've bought it.

Here's a question:
If you were in a similar situation, and you had a quick chance to grab something to take along with you, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
I took Frank, my laptop. Because he's got everything. He's got my photographs. My memories. My life.

Let's do a little Maths!
MY LIFE = music + photographs + internet

Oh you are such a nerd. You know, I just realised that computer geeks wear white t-shirts under a colourful collared unbuttoned shirt. And it's true! It's a stereotypical thing.

However, I'm the developed!female computer geek. I wear different colour schemes other than white and a Hawaiian backdrop.

I just love to laugh at myself :D

**********

Only one major exam left, and I am damn-right excited. Today, we had English and Science. Honestly, I didn't see why I made such a big-ass deal about the Science exam. It was pretty damn easy, really. I remembered someone telling me that the exam was 90% graphs, and 10% knowledge. I didn't trust her. I should've! Then I wouldn't have had to go through so much mental pain! It was emotionally draining... did that last sentence make any sense though? Anyway. The English exam was easy. It was simple dimple, but do-able. You know. It was really long, and at the end of the 2 hour exam, I was terribly hungry. And so were all the other Year 10s. They were going crazy. The girl behind me, who we nicknamed ORANGE because of her tan, put her feet out of her shoes and GOOD LORD did they stink!

The Science exam, on the other hand, was like a promotion to dream land. I'm telling you. It was just calling out to me, and I wanted to go, but I couldn't :( ... I only had one hour and a half for this exam, so I rushed through. There was alot of common sense and reading of graphs.

But who cares about the exams huh? I don't want to waste your and my time blogging and reading about my exams.

I have Maths and Christian Studies tomorrow. I'm off now. I need to get some rest, or dream land will be holding a huge promotion for free entry.

close my eyes when i count to ten
hope its over when i open them…
Cheers.

& turned on the lights; 20:37

Sunday, October 16, 2005

*




I think I've completely lost all hope in the upcoming exams. I just can't meet the expectations that need to be met.

I've barely studied and I'm feeling like fucking shit because of this. I'm also so confused. Too confused.
I don't know what to do now. Should I continue studying as much as I can before the exam?
Should I cram every single thing in? Or should I just let it go.
Let it all go. Not care about the end results.

I'll do better for the School Cert. I promise. Just give me more time.

too many teardrops for one heart to be crying
too many teardrops for one heart to carry on

& turned on the lights; 18:21

Saturday, October 15, 2005

I hate my weak memory. I hate hate hate it. It's my largest fault. Disadvantage. I really wonder sometimes, why do I keep forgetting things? And whether I was born with it, or it just suddenly came. It's so weird. You know. One minute I could be on the phone with someone discussing our day, and the minute I put down that phone, I forget everything. Like a goldfish with a 2 second span memory.

Last night, just before Jude and I hit the sheets, there were these extremely drunk boys outside our school campus shouting and crashing bottles around. I thought it was nothing, so I just got into bed and said goodnight. I was wrong. It wasn't nothing. The boys began to swear and call out to us. They chanted, "BOAAARRRRDERS, BOAAAARRRDERS, BOAAAARRRDDERS!! ..." And they kept going and going. I just couldn't get a hold of myself. I pretty much lost it. I couldn't sleep after that. Their chanting kept ringing in my head. I kept waking up from nightmares, where I found myself sweating alot. I probably shut down at around 4.30am.

Six hours later, I am awaken by the already-ready Kathy (a new boarder from Korea), who was waiting for me. We were going to go to Bondi Junction, and part ways. She had a BBQ to get to, and I had a whole afternoon to waste outside of the boarding house. I had a quick breakfast at a cafe called Bellagio, just up the road from the boarding house. My cousin, Christopher Wong and his family came to pick me up just half an hour later to take me to lunch. Thank God I knew he was around. I spent the afternoon with him, his wife and their 3 month old baby girl, Alicia. She's so cute.

Anyway. I did some studying. I'm still very unhappy and angry with myself. I've been slacking all night. I only covered one Science topic. Absolutely pathetic. I should shoot myself for not doing more. I'm really disappointed in myself. One day, I could be incredibly motivated to do all the best and to study so very hard. The next day, I would've forgotten it all. It's my memory. It's terrible. I wish I could just, sit down and read notes and remember it all at the end of the day. Heck, week.

I'm beginning to feel motivated now. I think I'll go do some Science and Maths before I hit the sheets. I want to get some sleep. Tomorrow, I study harder.

Monday
English, Science

save tonight
and fight the break of dawn

Cheers.

& turned on the lights; 22:00

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

It's my second night back in the boarding house, and everything is looking just fine. The beginning of Term 4 seems to be fine. So far. I've got a great bedroom, with lots of space; I've got a revision plan set up for the next few days in preparation for the Exams next week; I've got an easy mind right now, which is so comfortable; and otherwise... fine!

The flight to Sydney was rather horrid. Although, I did manage to catch some sleep and watch some good movies. There was this huge group of what I thought was Italians in the same cabin as Riana and I. They looked like they were from Arab, but I really couldn't tell. There were just so many kids! It was amazing! They were everywhere! It was a nightmare. And their parents didn't seem to care if they made noise or hit their heads. That annoyed me alot.

Mum made us pasta bolognaise for the flight, which I ate most of because Riana didn't want to eat all of her share. I was worried that we would be forced to throw our containers into the quarantine bin just off the flight, so I rushed to the lavatories to get them washed. When I reached the toilets, I had this heavy cloud of unfortune floating above me. There was a long queue. I looked around and all the toilets were occupied. I looked at the first person of the messy queue, who was a tanned skin man wearing a red shirt. He didn't look very happy.

"I'm guessing you've been waiting here for quite some time?" I asked.
This middle aged lady, fourth in line, said, "Half an hour, to be exact! Half an hour."

The cloud of unfortune fell on me. It was cold.

In the end, I moved to the back of the plane to use those toilets. I suspect there was something dodgy in the roast beef they served for brunch. Or maybe the salmon sandwiches. Because I didn't have them and I got off the plane feeling just fine, not having spent more than half an hour in the toilets. Tough luck.

I saw Ray Wong, a family friend who goes to a school just 5 minutes away from where I am, at the back seat of the plane. He was sitting next to a little girl, and they conversed like they were long lost siblings. It was quite sweet. Normal of Ray to talk to his neighbour on a long flight. No matter what the age.

**********

Back to SCHOOL-LIFE talk. First day of school in Term 4 wasn't such a problem. No biggie. I couldn't really complain. It's school. We all have or had to deal with it.

I failed the Geography School Cert Trial exam. By one mark.
And the weird thing was, I didn't feel as awful as I should've or usually would've (Don't you love poetry? :) ). I just sat there thinking, "Whoa." But why. Why didn't I care? Or shed a little tear? I imagine I would've, but no I didn't. Soon after that lesson, I had forgotten about the little issue. It wasn't such a dilemma. It never was.

I sat at my desk in my bedroom during prep encouraging myself to try harder for these upcoming exams. I don't want to just give up. I don't want my Geography trial results to bring me down. If I go down, I'll understand. If I fail, I'm going to make sure I put up a hell of a fight before the result.

**********

I talked to mum a few days back about my status in school and my academic performance. I told her that if I was to fail an exam, I don't want her to think that I didn't study hard enough. I told her that there is a possibility that I'm just not a school person. She understood, and I thank her for that. I wish my dad would understand, but I don't dare to share this with him. He'd probably kill me.

You know how some people have many skills and some don't. Or, some have a specific skill and another doesn't? Well. I might've made my point through that mess. I think I'm not made for school. I know, no one is made for school, but some people can do it well enough to keep just above average. I can't. I can't hold on. Not anymore. Not in a school this big. I was a big fish in a small pond in AISM. Now I'm a medium sized fish in an ocean. If I'm not for school, my mum said that I'm for something else. Everyone is good at something, whether it be painting a wall, developing the world's best computer software or switching themselves into complete barbarians. And I think it's true.

So sometimes I wonder, if I'm not for school then what am I for? Maybe photography, I tell myself. Maybe writing. Haha. I'll let you be the judge of that. I'm still wondering about what I'm good at. And maybe, if I'm not good at anything, I should keep working on one thing. And sooner or later, I will become good at it. Or maybe, I should just keep looking and trying new things. I'm bound to find my good point.

I'll let school pass. I'll get it over and done with. I'm going to encourage myself not to fear losing to the smart people. I'm not going to care more or less about competition. I'm going to smile, mean it and leave it. At the end of the day, I will be feeling much better about myself. Unlike some people, who work hard only for the competition or to receive praise from their parents. I dislike being affected by such stereotypical things.

But that's another story :)

I got soul, but I'm not a soldier.

Cheers.

& turned on the lights; 20:40

Sunday, October 09, 2005

I present to you! My future laptop! The OMFG-Pure 110%-pwnage Toshiba Satellite M50.
Good God >,< It's just perfect...
Mum and I were doing last minute shopping before Ri and I head back to Australia tomorrow morning, and we were at IT WORLD in Mid Valley. I just had to look at the Toshibas on display at one of the outlets. I saw this M50. I fell in love with it. The specs were perfect and sufficient to suit my needs. The most striking thing about it, to me, was the speakers. What could possibly be better for a laptop, than integrated Harman/Kardon stereo speakers? TELL ME.
Oh! And I also must mention the Clear SuperView WXGA LCD screen. How sweet is that? It's literally crystal clear in definition.

I am definately getting this laptop next year. On my 17th birthday. I think it's perfectly fine to get a new laptop. Nothing wrong with it. My Frank will be turning three next February. He's fine, but I think it's time that I should move on.
BUT OF COURSE, Frank will always be by my side! Erm. At home sitting at my desk, waiting for me to come home to use him when I return! :)

**********

Only less than 24 hours till I will sit in my new bedroom in the St Caths BH, again. I just wanted to thank Malaysia for being good to me and being a fairly good home during my stay. Really. I think KL behaved a lot more than my last visit. It wasn't as hot. Very little haze. Rained a couple of times. And I didn't complain as much as I did about the KL drivers.

I also moved from our semi-detached house at 48 Jalan Setia Bakti to a down-sized condo unit at Mont Kiara Damai. It was very sad, but I know it'll be just fine. We've settled in so well into Damai. We've got the fast speed internet, the cable TV, the fan-fugging-tastic views from our windows and balcony and the comfort of the unit's interior. I must say that my mum has really worked incredibly hard at this, and in the end, has done such a good job. It's just lovely :)

The food. I love the food. I had so much Malaysian food drilled into me, I think I'll be on starvation mode when I eat BH food. Of course not. I'm an eater. Yum. Food. Ahah moving on!
I had heaps of local food from Indian to Chinese, and to Malay. It was fantastic. I've never eaten this much Malaysian food during my stay here this year.

Did you know, that we only spend 3 months in KL while studying abroad for 9 months? It's like, GET A LIFE MATE. Only. School is important. You only say that to maybe a hobo counting the grass off the neighbourhood's lawn. It's incredible, isn't it? The time we spend schooling. I'm telling you, us kids - we study so hard. It's amazing.

Remember that list I had before? The one with the things I had to consider doing when I come back to KL? I've kind of finished it. Except for a few, which I never really DID did. I mean, I attempted it, but just backed off after I got bored. (STUDY. I DID NOT STUDY.) ... [Well maybe a bit ;)]

Now, I'm going to write a new list of things to do when I get back to Sydney.
Here goes.

1. STUDY YOUR BRAINS OUT YOU LAZY ASS.
2. Organise where to stay during weekend after exams (Which is next week. I have Thursday, Friday, Saturday & Sunday off)
   
3. Get formal pants tailored ASAP.
4. Go to the gym. Continue personal training sessions.
5. Lay off milk for a few days. YOUR COUGH AIN'T GETTIN' ANY BETTER.
6. Practice the guitar. YOUR CHORDS NEED POLISHING.
7. STUDY
8. STUDY
9. STUDY
10. Buy Deadwood Season 2 for dad.
    
11. Maintain use of money at conservative level.
    
12. STUDY

I've got heaps of things on my mind this week ;) ...

Oh bother :'(
Cheers.
PS. You know what the trick is,
to make time fly faster than light?
Don't think of time, move on with the current affairs
and you'll be flying. :)

& turned on the lights; 16:23

Friday, October 07, 2005

I just watched Flight Plan, and I thought it was all right. A little disappointed with the ending though. I'm not going to spoil anything for you, obviously. If you're looking for a movie that would surprise you in the end, this is a fairly good choice.

I wasn't going to buy the DVD in the first place. I wanted to watch the movie because Peter Sarsgaard was in it :P Oh don't give me that funny look! 'FIRST Ewan McGregor, THEN Christian Bale, AND THEN Peter Sarsgaard' Well shut up. He's got such a cool voice! (Have you heard his accent in The Skeleton Key? Obviously not!)

^ Peter Sarsgaard in The Flight Plan.

I just asked myself: Is there a film where Peter Sarsgaard doesn't play the baddie?
I shouldn't need to tell you this. I bet none of you have heard of him. *pouts*

**********

I spent my afternoon in the city today (technically yesterday. Friday). Mum and I went to Low Yat Plaza, this shopping centre filled with TECHNOLOGY. Oh, it was like pr0npr0npr0n EVERYWHERE! I was just so *___* Ahhhhh... It was fantastic! Plasma TVs! Cameras! Mobile phones! Computers! Laptops! Fake DVDs! Fake vid games! Fake computer programs! It had everything!

There, I bought Frank, my laptop, a brand-spanking-new battery! Woohoo! I was just so happy after that. I knew Frank and I are going to much closer friends now :) And I'll be taking good care of him from now on. Absolutely.
Anyway, on with what happened at the orgasmic Low Yat Plaza...
Mum and I decided to buy my sister Riana a digital camera. We thought she kind of deserved one. So we bought a Canon Ixus i zoom. It's just so pretty and small. Mum and I were feeling very jealous. It was just so... *_*

Unfortunately, all good things comes to an end. We left Low Yat Plaza, and went to visit the new owners of our previously owned dog, Edelweiss. Dogs are so cute.

^ Edel. Our princess Schnauzer.

I really miss that dog. Eventhough she and I never really bonded or we were never really that close. I miss those chases we had on the red carpet around the chairs and table.

I keep using the word "miss", do you realise? It's terrible! I need to walk on and stop whining. Guh!

Well yes. After we visited dear Edel and her lovely new owners, mum and I headed off for some last minute shopping at Mid Valley. Mum spent probably half an hour buying her cosmetics rubbish (which in the end totalled up to the approximate amount of two iPod Nanos), while I sat around and messaged Judy. It was really boring! I walked around the fragrance/cosmetics section a bit and I saw Calvin Klein. I was hoping to see CK Euphoria on the shelf, but no. The man said not till December. Bummer.

We headed up to the sports shop, where we spent such a long time looking for sports gear for me to bring back to Sydney. I was so tired from trying on all the clothes. It's actually very difficult. This is why I don't like to shop.

**********

While my mum shopped for her cosmetics, I looked around and all the people who passed by the Estee Lauder booth. The women all wore make-up. That made me wonder: when I grow up, would I be wearing make-up whenever I go out? Honestly? I don't know. It's too difficult to find a perfect theory. However, I do believe that I could be pressured by my peers to justice. If I ever have a social life, how am I going to cope? I mean, look at me.

I'd be like, 30-years-old, in my cappucino years and go out with some friends to a bar wearing no make-up at all. HOW STRANGE WOULD THAT BE. I mean, no woman leaves the house today without make-up. Especially to the bar or during socialising times. What have we humans created? Whoever made the rule to wear make-up whenever you go out, should've thought about how the people who DON'T like these things, would feel.

Bloody cockheads.

Cheers.

PS. Is Illinois in Texas?

& turned on the lights; 23:19

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

A PUBLIC APOLOGY
to those impatient KNNs people out there, who come to visit Raeville everyday, or now and then. I haven't been able to blog because I've been either too busy trying to work out my own issues, or I just haven't been up to anything interesting. I hope all of you knew that I was working on the most fucked thing on Earth today called dial-up 28.8k/s. It's fucking horrible, if you're wondering.

So, I'm sorry. For not meeting your daily needs.

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I watched The Skeleton Key today with some friends. I'll give the film a strong 8.2 / 10 rate. The movie had such a great story that still has me thinking up to now. I thought the performances were good - Kate Hudson, Gena Rowland and Peter Sarsgaard - I really couldn't complain. Although, the film wasn't as frightening as I thought it would have been. I thought it was bearable. Or maybe I've just forgotten how horrifying the scenes with dead bodies with stitched up mouths and eyes were.

Overall, great story, good performances and oh, did I mention a fantastic story line?

*************

I slept over at Shaz's place last night. It was good. Besides the whole Ramadhan fasting month, which required all the Muslims in the house to wake up at 4-5 AM for supper before their next meal at 7 PM. I, myself, did not have to wake up for this. I was only stirred awake for a bit, then went to sleep. Few hours later, and I had to wake up to catch The Skeleton Key.

Yesterday, I also went shopping for my Year 10 Formal clothes. Mum had already given me her very smart jacket, and all I needed were matching pants and shirt. I have come to a conclusion from my time spent at Zara, a clothing shop for men and women. Shopping for clothes is extremely tiring. Who ever thought that clothes shopping was more tiring than taking a 30 minute walk? Obviously, I never did. Mum and I managed to pick out some favourite shirts and a nice pair of pants to go with all of them. I spent quite a large sum of money on just these items. I'm just hoping my dad will pay for them.

Other than clothes, I bought some little things for my computer, like a new optical mouse (JUDE, you can have my small mouse), a nifty earphone wrap for my iPod and some PC games. Oh, I almost forgot: I got myself a new guitar. There's something special with it, but I don't quite know how to explain it. I'm just glad I can play the songs I've been dying to play all break.

*************

Simple update. Nothing else to blog about, really :)

sometimes i feel like i don't have a partner
sometimes i feel like my only friend
is the city i live in, the city of angel
lonely as i am, together we cry
Cheers.






sometimes, all i want to do is just break something. i figured why people throw breakable things at walls and other hard objects. it's to break them. to break open. to break free. i wanted to throw my laptop, frank, on the floor, when i was so pissed off - with all the things running through my head and happening at that moment - i was so ready to break free. i just wanted to let go, you know. have you ever had that feeling? i've heard that it's a nice one. i'm so confused and so alone. i just want to jump off this cloud and fly through the sky. screaming. shouting. maybe even laughing. and maybe, soon after, a cloud will stand in my journey to break my fall. and maybe. it will be so comfortable.

& turned on the lights; 20:53

Saturday, October 01, 2005

I've been feeling utterly hopeless lately.

Boo.

was it you who spoke the words that
things would happen, but not to me
all things are gonna happen naturally,
on taking your advice and i'm looking on the bright side
and balancing the whole thing

& turned on the lights; 21:16